The Monday Roast: That Guy

1. Who just cut me off in a hyper-financed German car?  Boom, roasted.
2. Who's that wearing two popped collars?  Boom, roasted.
3. Who boasts they don't drink soda due to the sugar content then boasts about the 30-rack they just took down alone?  Boom, roasted.
4. Who just looked at his bicep in the gym?  Boom, roasted.
5. Who's got a strategically cropped FaceBook pic?  Boom, roasted.
   

The Monday Roast: FBI: Female Body Inspector Shirts

1.  No, you don't.  Boom, roasted.

2.  Why don't you go ahead and tear the sleeves off too.  Boom, roasted.

3.  If you indeed have a significant other, buy her the matching "I'm with stupid" tee.  Boom, roasted.

4.  Unfortunately, there is not a governmental agency abbreviated ITD so you can have the more appropriate shirt: "I'm a Total Douche."  Boom, roasted.

5.  And now we know you've been to Vegas and/or Cabo.  Boom, roasted.

The Monday Roast: Political Facebook Status Updater

1. Ask yourself: would I share my opinions on healthcare reform in a bathroom line? No? Boom Roasted.

2. I’d rather know that the kid I went to Pre-School with and is now living in rural Pennsylvania is “not feelin real good” than be subjected to your politics. Boom Roasted.

3. Just because John Stewart put his two cents in doesn’t mean you should. Boom Roasted.

4. Just because Bill O’Reilly put his two cents in means you shouldn’t. Boom roasted.

5. No one cares. Boom roasted.