The Monday Roast: Ed Hardy

1.  I thought Lisa Frank already had the sparkly, colorful animal market cornered.  Boom, roasted.

2.  No matter how tan you are, dragons are not cool.  Boom, roasted.

3.  I don't know if I'd rather be stabbed by the unicorn on your shirt or your spiked hair.  Boom, roasted.

4.  What do the people who find the Ralph Lauren/Polo horse too big think of your coronated, three dimensional, psychedelic tiger?  Boom, roasted.

5.  How does it feel to have a $200 tee shirt to go with your $50 Von Dutch trucker hat?  Boom, roasted.

The Monday Roast: FBI: Female Body Inspector Shirts

1.  No, you don't.  Boom, roasted.

2.  Why don't you go ahead and tear the sleeves off too.  Boom, roasted.

3.  If you indeed have a significant other, buy her the matching "I'm with stupid" tee.  Boom, roasted.

4.  Unfortunately, there is not a governmental agency abbreviated ITD so you can have the more appropriate shirt: "I'm a Total Douche."  Boom, roasted.

5.  And now we know you've been to Vegas and/or Cabo.  Boom, roasted.

The Monday Roast: Fedoras

1.  You can't hide your trust fund under your fedora.  Boom, roasted.

2.  Your fedora tells me you want to hate Corporate America but your Urban Outfitters receipt says you don't. Boom, roasted.

3.  Would you normally take fashion advice from Britney Spears?  Boom, roasted.

4.  If a douche bag were to put a fedora on it's head it would still be a douche bag.  Boom, roasted.

5.  Dick Tracey never wore a v-neck and skinny jeans with his fedora.  Boom, roasted.