1. What button do you press to make your voice sound like that? Boom, roasted.
2. Your fan base consists of leftover fans from Three Doors Down. Boom, roasted.
3. Your lead singer looks like a love child between Sammy Hagar and Matthew McConaughey. Boom, roasted.
4. You said yourself that you "never made it as a wise man." Boom, roasted.
5. The nicest review you ever received from Rolling Stone said you were "[b]razenly consistent, if unimaginative." Boom, roasted.
*Special thanks to our San Diego correspondent for his contributions to this roast.