Monday Roast: Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg

1.  You wouldn't storm out of your own house because your guest offended you at a dinner party.

 2.  Bill O'Reilly might yell louder than both of you combined, but he would never walk out of the No Spin Zone.

3.  You're like the kids that threw rocks at the tiger and were surprised when he lept up at you.

4.  So much for your signed copy of "Pinheads and Patriots."

5.  If I order a hooker to my room, and she gets naked, would I storm out?

Booom, roasted.

The Monday Roast: Political Facebook Status Updater

1. Ask yourself: would I share my opinions on healthcare reform in a bathroom line? No? Boom Roasted.

2. I’d rather know that the kid I went to Pre-School with and is now living in rural Pennsylvania is “not feelin real good” than be subjected to your politics. Boom Roasted.

3. Just because John Stewart put his two cents in doesn’t mean you should. Boom Roasted.

4. Just because Bill O’Reilly put his two cents in means you shouldn’t. Boom roasted.

5. No one cares. Boom roasted.