1. Do you know what 2:30 in the afternoon feels like? Yes, and now I know what 3 in the morning feels like too. Boom, roasted.
2. I've asked someone if they want to get coffee, but asking someone to get five hour energy feels like a drug deal. Boom, roasted.
3. If 5 hour energy turns me into a perky-gelled-hair-uber-douche that floats around the office, points at everyone who yawns, and tells them they should have had 5-Hour Energy, then I would rather be tired. Boom, roasted.
4. This drink is perfect for anyone who wants to sprint up a mountain, mountain bike, play professional football or deliver interoffice mail. Boom, roasted.
5. You offer a shot of mystery liquid with a protective plastic seal as a healthy alternative to a delicious beverage I can make at home with beans and water. Boom, roasted.