Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The Monday Roast: 5-Hour Energy

1.  Do you know what 2:30 in the afternoon feels like?  Yes, and now I know what 3 in the morning feels like too.  Boom, roasted.

2.  I've asked someone if they want to get coffee, but asking someone to get five hour energy feels like a drug deal.  Boom, roasted.

3.  If 5 hour energy turns me into a perky-gelled-hair-uber-douche that floats around the office, points at everyone who yawns, and tells them they should have had 5-Hour Energy, then I would rather be tired.  Boom, roasted.

4.  This drink is perfect for anyone who wants to sprint up a mountain, mountain bike, play professional football or deliver interoffice mail. Boom, roasted.

5.  You offer a shot of mystery liquid with a protective plastic seal as a healthy alternative to a delicious beverage I can make at home with beans and water.  Boom, roasted.

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