I Showed Up At Stanford. No one else did.

This is probably a HUGE book

What happens on farms?  I'll tell you what happens on farms:

Eggs are laid, slaughterings occur, and smokings proceed; hell, I'm sure there are clocks cleaned and children spanked.  All of which happened Saturday night down at "The Farm," down at Stanford, where the better coached, more disciplined and physical Stanford Cardinal slaughtered, smoked, cleaned, and spanked the 'Cats.  Conversely, the 'Cats laid an egg.

I managed to observe this despite my intoxication levels and in spite of the underwhelming Stanford crowd.  I know the Cardinal fans didn't miss the memo on the smartphones they developed that their Cardinal were 7-1 and playing a top-15 opponent on national TV.  Damned wannabe Ivy League.  At least Arizona picked a make-believe creature for a mascot not a ripped off color and a tree who's M.O. is to get itself smacked..

Anyhow, if you're ever looking to go into "enemy territory" wearing the opposition's colors, but maybe you're just a wee bit timid to do it, go to Stanford.  The average tailgater is just under one-million years old and the average smile is just over one-billion kilowatts.  They're so damn nice.  I swear to god my cubicle is louder than a Stanford tailgate.  SHHH, you might be too loud reading this.

Let me ask you: at how many other schools would it take 30 MINUTES TO FIND LIQUOR?  That's right, once off Caltrain (which we could drink on), Hayley and I searched for a half-hour before finding an accommodating CVS (30-rack and a 12-rack, BL and Coors, respectively).

Booze in hand we met up with Timbo Fischer (my nickname for Tim) and merrily made our way through the tailgates.  We partied with the Arizona backup center's family and various other degrees of UA alum and enthusiasts.  Tailgating was highlighted by a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend invite to a 35-foot RV camper.  A-mazing.

We Shotgun Saturdayed before heading into the masacre and that is where my story ends.  Not one Stanford fan spoke a single iota of trash.

Damn Cardinal.

If I Were Mike Stoops.... (Oregon State Edition)

Tell you what, the Kool Aid tasted pretty good didn't it?  Ninth in the country, second best defense in FBS, ESPN filmin', Sports Illustrated writin', all of it.  Hell, the number nine national ranking.  The Kool Aid tasted great.


And I'm guilty.  I'm guilty of letting us all sip from that fat boy's jug.  Two weeks to prepare for a struggling offense and we let them march to the drum of 486 yards and 10/15 third down conversions.  That's not what the ninth best team in the country does.  That's not what championship teams do.


I'm going to wear this one boys.  I'm going to tell you that I let you down.  The staff and myself are going to wear this one and we're going to be the hardest working staff in football because that's what we're here to do and that's what you deserve.  Will you return that favor?


We recognize that we've got a special group here that can do special things.


We got punched in the mouth.  Yes, the proverbial punch in the mouth has left us a little shell shocked.  What now?  Welp, let's see what kinda character we've got.  Let's see what it means to us to have A-R-I-Z-O-N-A across our chest - or visor.

No one ever said it was going to be easy.  We're still going to play good football teams in tough places.  And we're going to have to stop people on third and louder-than-hell and we're going to have to score when the clock reads "impossible."


So let's get back to work, gentlemen, cause I'll be damned if a beaver's gonna ruin my season.

Yeah, I foresee a good weekend

Foresight is a great thing.  Just ask Steve Jobs, George Lucas, or Bernie Madoff.  Well scratch the third one, but nonetheless, the ability to see ahead of the curve is a lucrative and successful talent.  

Don't you effing do it Wildcats.  I swear to god you overlook these Cal Bears and I'm gonna be pissed.

In the meantime, I am going to look ahead to the Vampire Weekend concert which I will have the foresight to go ahead and say is going to be epic at the Greek Theater in Berkeley.  That's me Saturday night.

As the sequel to Oliver Stone's 1987 money hungry dialogue "Wall Street" is set to open this weekend, I will steal a line from that: Greed is good.  Yes, indeed.  It's good to be greedy for good concerts and Wildcat W's.  I'll run with that.

Disorganized, abstract, reaching post anyone?  Enjoy.

If I Were Mike Stoops....

This is what I'd say at Thursday's practice:


Bring it in fellas.  Bring it in tight.  I want you to hear this.

Congratulations on beating the Iowa Hawkeyes.  That was a top-10 team coming off a BCS Bowl game season with a staunch defense and a helluva running game.  They racked up 29 rushing yards on you gentlemen.  Be proud of yourselves. 

And that was an impressive sequence of offense and defense to close that game out.  I called it a "program drive" to win the ballgame.  You know what that means?  It means we know we're winners now.  We couldn't do that against Cal or Oregon last year.  We know we can today.

I know that we can throw a game tying pick six and block the extra point.  I know that we can come out, crowd rambunctious, cameras rolling, and put the #9 team in the country in a 14-0 hole.  I know that we can muff punts and drop passes, but still secure the game winner a play later.  And I know, with the game on the line, we can get to the quarterback...three.  straight.  times.

I also know that the game's over.  And that we did get picked late, and muffed punts, and dropped passes.  I know that we were penalized twelve times for 103 yards.  That's not OK.

And you know who doesn't give two shits about you beating Iowa?  The California Bears.

Hell they just lost to Nevada.  Ya think they're a little pissed off?  I know they're a lot pissed off and they want to beat you.  We are the hunted now gentlemen.  The talking heads of ESPN and all the rest don't want to stop talking about the little program that could out of Tucson, Arizona.  

Well do you want to be yesterday's news or do you want to win?  Do you want to go to the Hyundai Sun bowl?  How about the Valero Alamo Bowl?

I don't know about you, but I'm not much for Korean cars or gasoline companies.

Call me sissy or whatever you will, but I like Roses gentlemen.  Big, red, Pasadena Roses.

Now let's get to work.

 

Arizona/Iowa: A Big Game for Program, Town and Team

Let's get one thing straight: by the end of the year Saturday's game doesn't figure to significantly impact season goals for this Wildcat football team.  There are two goals for this team: 1) Win the Pac-10 2) Beat ASU--Saturday will not come to bear on either goal.  However, make no mistake: Saturday's showdown with Iowa is a BIG effing game.

Any time you welcome a top ten team into your house it's a big game, but this game has added importance for Arizona.  These type of games build programs, buoy recruiting, and make money.  ESPN is in the house.  The students are in town.  The old stadium will be sold out, and even apathetic Tucson football fans have pulled their heads out of the sand to take a look.  The electricity in the air is palpable, but excitement among Wildcat fans is still gently guarded by years of "almost" and "not quite enough."  A win tomorrow and fans will let their guards down, fasten their bandwagon seat belts, cross their fingers, and think Pasadena.

Can't you just imagine the scene already?

The UA Mall will be jammed full of alumni, students, and Tucsonans all decked out in red, hours before the game.  Strangers on University Ave will be high fivin' and screaming bear down.  Old college friends will fly into town to rendezvous at their old stomping grounds and revel in the on campus fervor.   The student section will be shaking the entire eastern side of the stadium with red pom poms.  Prominent former basketball players and football players will be on the field (Channing Frye, Damon Stoudamire, and Joe McLean are in town--I bet that list grows).  People are going to turn out in droves to celebrate Arizona.

So will Arizona seize the moment?

If they do, the excitement surrounding the football program as it enters Pac-10 play will be as high as it's ever been.  Tucson will become a hostile place to play for reasons besides heat this season.  TV listings for UA games will say ABC instead of TBA.  Arizona basketball recruiting target Josiah Turner and recruiting commit Nick Johnson--visiting this weekend--will see a party that most 18-year-olds can't even dream about.  But a victory will have an impact that will ripple far beyond this season and this football team.

A victory will make a statement about how far this program has come under Mike Stoops and where it is going. This game is an opportunity for Arizona to position itself in the national conversation which hasn't happened in over a decade.  This game is a chance for a program, not just a team, to make some serious noise--so let's hear it!

The stage is set, the actors are cast, the battle lines are drawn, and the kegs are cold...

...the only thing left to do is BEAR DOWN and beat the Hawkeyes!

Just remember, stay off the field until the game is actually over.

PS: Click the Damon Stoudamire link, seriously.