BYUtv: The ULTIMATE Homer

I remember sitting in McKale Center last year.  I was home for the holidays and was excited to go see Sean Miller's new team test their sea legs against BYU.  I hadn't heard much about Jimmer Fredette yet, but I speculated that a white guy from BYU, with a name like Jimmer, probably meant trouble.  I was right, it meant big trouble.

As I watched the game unfold I wallowed in emotions that ranged from dissappointment, to shock, to horror to amazement.  Ol' Jimmer proceeded to hit every shot he took: fade aways, 15 footers, 45 footers, underhand, overhand, eyes closed--whatever he was puttin' up was going in.  I half expected the PA announcer to do his best NBA Jam impersonation and scream, "HE'S ON FIRE!"

Yup, Jimmer was trouble.  I could only shake my head as I left McKale Center awfully early for a Wildcat loss.  As it turns out, Jimmer scored more points than anyone had ever scored in McKale center.  Ouch.  What could possibly be worse than watching Jimmer Fredette and his Latter Day Saints methodically torch your childhood heroes to the tune of 99-66?

Excluding Jay Williams fouling out of the 2001 National Championship game--8 times--I could not imagine what could be worse than the Prophet Jimmer Fredette breaking the scoring records of every Wildcat to play in McKale, en route to 49 points, and a drubbing of my favorite team.  Unfortunately, I had to wait just less than a year to find out...

The answer came to me as clearly as though written on golden plates.  You see, on a Saturday afternoon I treated myself to a broadcast of Jimmer dropping 33 points on Arizona, and blowing Arizona out of the water again. This might sound better than Jimmer detonating a 49 point explosion in Tucson, but this time the game was in Salt Lake City; and the game was on BYUtv.  Maroni have mercy!

At first blush this might seem like no big deal.  After all, any sports fan has watched regional broadcasts of his or her favorite team away from home.  In fact, many sports fans appreciate a couple of homers calling a game--seriously, watch a Blazers game sometime.  But BYUtv takes it to another level.

First off, the backdrop for the entire game was Jimmer's performance last year in Tucson.  After he scored the first seven points for BYU the love fest was on!  Commentators speculated about his point total for the afternoon; fans held up signs with Jimmer's points tallied for the day; and the Wildcats rolled over and played the dutiful roll of the Washington Generals--again.  However, this was all on the court, and this was all before halftime.

The broadcast at half time blessed spectators with two feature pieces: a heart felt tale of Jimmer returning to his home town in Glens Falls NY to play a game against Vermont.  That tear jerker was quickly followed by a recap of Jimmer's record setting performance last year in Tucson.  BARF!  Although nauseating, I must concede that this sort of treatment is no different than watching Klay Thompson on a Wazzu telecast, or watching Kyle Singler on an ESPN, CBS, ABC, NBC, QVC or Al Jazeera telecast.

The torture that is watching your team get blown out by BYU on BYUtv is that BYU never stops flickering across the screen.  Every damned commercial is for BYU.  Each commercial break you are treated to a montage of BYU Football history.  This might be followed by the promotion of "TrueBlue," which is essentially a Sportscenter for BYU athletics.  And obviously a testimony as to the greatness of BYU as an institution is a nice bookend to every commercial.  But it didn't stop there.

Nestled in between the BYU-sports-circle-jerk were advertisements for BYUtv original programming, which are billed to "help you see the good in the world."  I can tell you, I can't wait to watch "A Christmas Angel," which is a heartwarming tale of a nonbeliever finding the Christmas spirit of giving, and falling in love.  Or better yet, I want to catch an episode of "Wind at My Back," which is Little House on the Prairie bonnets squared + the great depression + the bible.  And boy am I clamoring to see the next installment of "The Generations Project," where Judge Boyd Mossman will trace his genealogy back to Hawaii where his ancestors Issac Davis and John Young married Hawaiian women.

Ugh.

I suppose, even if you've read this far, you you might chalk this rant up to only the mutterings of an angry fan. But let me make this more clear to anyone not yet exposed to BYUtv: watching your team on BYUtv is like watching your team take on Duke while Dick Vitale calls the game, sits in the stands, does the interviews, and the commercials.  Then again, I suppose that is just what ESPN is. 

Good riddance Jimmer!

A.B. Homer Bowl Picks

Homer picks take two. Boom, posted.

Capital One Bowl: Penn State Nitanny Lions v. Louisiana State Tigers
Yawn. Here’s how this one plays out: it’s 3-2 mid way through the fourth quarter, a DB misses an outside tackle on a 5 yd pass play (pick the team, doesn’t matter), takes it house, something desperate happens at the end of the game when the teams are forced into two-minute offenses, someone scores or doesn’t, whole game’s decided on a broken play and the final minute. We’ll

say Lions ‘cause I like JoePa.

Nittany Lions: 10-9

Valero Alamo Bowl: Texas Tech Red Raiders v. Michigan State Spartans
In a match up I would hesitate to call a match up, Texas Tech takes its gimmick offense against traditional Big 10 brawn. Mike Leach and his trickeration have the 9th ranked offense in the country, blow out victories over Oklahoma and Nebraska (vaunted defenses anyone?), and will win this game handily. Not to mention the game is being played on turf. AHH! Too fast for the Spartans.

Red Raiders: 36-10

Tostitos Fiesta Bowl: Texas Christian Horned Frogs v. Boise State Broncos
Perhaps the most intriguing BCS game that has ever been played; but this is like playing for who gets to be DD: no one’s going to win a national title, no one’s going to respect either program any more (or less), and in the end everyone’s still going to say: they haven’t played or beaten anyone. In a day and age when the talent pool is spread so thin, college football is won by the best coaches; Patterson and Petersen are clearly two of the best. Frogs-Broncos is sexy because it’ll be a helluva game and that’s what I care about. Anyone who survives LeGarrette is tough enough.

Broncos: 37-30

MAACO Las Vegas Bowl: Oregon State Beavers v. Brigham Young Cougars
Let me get this off my chest: MIKE RILEY IS ONE OF THE TOP 5 COACHES IN AMERICA. Phew, that felt good. Another thing: how has BYU been invited to the Vegas Bowl five straight years? Vegas CANNOT be making money on that fan base. Anyhow, this should be a good game. I love the shifty Rodgers brothers and a senior Max Hall is certainly tough. But, the PAC-10 was talented this year and it has a battle-tested crop of bowl contenders.

Beavers: 31-24

Citi National Championship: Texas Longhorns v Alabama Crimson Tide
In a season that had five undefeateds and Florida this is our title game? Dammit. There’s really no Homer allegiance in this game other than to say: (get the tiny violin out) there should be a playoff (that’ll be a different talk). There’s no drama to this game, no intrigue other than its name, and – let’s be honest – everyone was expecting Tim Tebow. While the appeal of a senior Colt McCoy to win this game is tempting, he just doesn’t do it for me. Alabama’s tough and Saban teams just win.

Crimson Tide: 21-13